Dating After Divorce For Women Over 40 #7

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Dating Secret tip #7 Find if he really is ready for a marriage or long term relationship in the future.
Is he only after sex or has he got other dubious motives?

When you start dating there are some important questions you can ask to find out if he really is ready for marriage or a long term relationship…  without him knowing that’s what you’re doing.
After all, if he’s not in it for the long haul, just say next. Lookout for the signs to know if:

• Is he only after sex or does he really like me?
• Is he only after sex or does he want a long term relationship?
• Is he after my money?
• Does he love me or just want a replacement mother for his children?
• Is he lonely and just wants someone to look after him and do his cooking, washing and ironing?
• Is he stable?
• Does his history tell you if he is a possible sexual disease risk?

Of course, on a first date you more than likely won’t be able to find out the answers to all these questions. I don’t recommend that you even try. But be aware of which are the most important to you.
And there are some clever ways to getting your questions answered.
For example, his history will give you an indicator for the future.

Ask him: How long have you lived in …………? Where did you live before?
How long did you live there? How long have you been at that job? Do you have a pet? How long were you married, have you had any other long term relationships, for how long? How did these relationships end?
His commitment to you will be told by the other patterns in his life.
Now, I do not mean go out on first your date with your notepad of questions. You will remember them easily, enough. Casually, and at the appropriate moment, slip the questions into your conversation. You don’t need to have asked all the questions on the first date. If you feel he has potential, relax and ask the other questions on further dates.

An easy method to introduce a question or topic is always start with sharing information about yourself on the topic. I have lived in ………….. for 20 years, I love it here, what about you? After all, dating is sharing information to get to know each other. 
If there is any part of his history that concerns you and you feel you need a clearer explanation, ask him in a nice way, not in an interrogation style. If you feel he hasn’t answered clearly, perhaps he is avoiding telling you something he doesn’t want you to know. You can tell him you’re still unclear or don’t understand. Give him the opportunity to explain before making a decision about whether there’s potential for a  relationship.

After all, if he has moved or changed jobs often, his commitment to you may be unlikely.

It’s only a limiting belief for you to think that maybe there won’t be another man come along, so I better hang on to this guy. He’s better than nothing or maybe that’s all I deserve. You would be cheating yourself and him to think that way. You will move on to find the right one for you. There are no perfect men, but there’s the perfect one out there for you.

Give yourself permission to go forward with hope, optimism and passion. Don’t be afraid to admit you want it. Claim it and own it, dating that dream man, now.

Sometimes, at the beginning of any new desire or to go in a different direction in your life, all you see are reasons why you shouldn’t bother. It can be easy to talk yourself out of what you want by coming up with various excuses as to why it will never work for you.

But remember, how will you know if you don’t try? There are no excuses in life. There are no limits as to how high you can go. If we only focus on the negatives of a new opportunity, none of us would ever start.

I know you’re already asking yourself, “Will I be successful?” Or thinking, “You don’t know what I’ve been through.”

Let me put it another way. What if by not starting you miss that one great opportunity that may get you what you want and to where you want to be?

Ultimately, it comes down to how much you want your dating dreams to become a reality.

You only hurt yourself when you whine and complain about your dating horror stories, that you’re dateless and loveless, or about how you just can’t get this dating thing. You know that saying, ‘if you keep doing the same thing why do you expect a different result?’

Philip and I are living proof of my easy, effortless, successful dating program. Together, we live our dream life. 

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