The College Student's Guide To Finding A Poster

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The old saying goes, "if  parents knew that they were paying for a four year party, you would only need a high school diploma to get a job.", and it's true.  But somewhere between saying goodbye to your high school sweetheart and the first time you get beaten in a beer pong tournament you go through one of the most maturing and culturally enlightening experiences of your life.  It's called moving out on your own for the first time... and OH BOY is it a doozy!

It never fails, not even ten minutes after mom or pop's dependable old mini van (I suppose these days it would be an SUV... you kids have it so easy!) pull out of the "visitor's only" parking lot the real decorations come out.  And if there's one thing I learned for certain... it's that, with little exception, there's no better way to tell who your roommate is going to be, than by the posters that he/she slaps on the walls with the always fun fun-tack once you guys have total control of the room.  So here's a guide to tell you EXACTLY what you're in store for you, without ever having to fumble through all those awkward questions that simply make you look nosey.  All you need to do is sit back and wait 'till the writing is on the walls, and you'll know if you got yourself a best bud to romp through the craziest years of your life... or if your going to be spending the next 8 months sneaking out at night, trying not to wake up the nerd police.  Here starteth the lesson!


Nice and simple.  Is there a Rage Against The Machine monk setting himself on fire covering the entire length of your closet wall?  Is it a "heart grenade" ala Green Day, those wacky urban poets?  Eminem, a hard to find Pearl Jam perhaps?  Any of these standards and you got your self a standard, run of the mill non-music listener.  They're probably not all that much into the "scene" as much as they know what they like... or at least like to look at.  You could do worse!  If you got an always less than subtle Jim Morrison, Hendrix, Joplin, Dead, Stones, Beatles thing going... well, you better brush up on you Cheech and Chong.  Remember you don't gotta join the party to appreciate the good music that will be blasting out of you partner's radio ohhhh about 26 hours a day... but you better learn MIGHTY quick what a towel at the bottom of the door is a single for.   The same is true if you got a huge Dave Matthews, Phish, Bob Marley, or Tupac apparel covering the walls.  Only expect the music to be MUCH more constant and infinitely more annoying.  There's the rare Cradle Of Filth you might run into.  Notice the operative word in that sentence is RUN!  Run far, run wide... just RUN!!  Mostly it's all good as long as it is a recognizable band, musician, or artist.  You're there to learn, even if you aren't into that scene, you might be better off giving new things a try.  There's only one no-no.  NO BRITNEY!  NO BOY BANDS!!!  Especially if you're a dude, dude!  There ain't no reason on this planet that you need to be staring at those dreamy Justin Timberlake eyes for months at a time once you get passed the age of... oh I don't know... EVER!!!  If you cannot find a band you like to put on your walls... there's plenty of other choices, like...


Every one knows you're a smart fella or filly... now show them why.  Can you tell the difference between a Salvador Dali and a Van Gogh?  I couldn't, but my roommate could.  Let just say that if you see a Georgia O'Keeffe going up on your wall that first day. Expect the highest class of fine art students to be discussing all sorts of mind blowing topics at 4am while you're studying for that physics final.  Now I don't exactly know what you DO with a fine arts degree... but I know you look FABULOUS doing it.  Lets just say that I didn't mind being kept up all night by the fans of my roommate's taste in posters.  My only hint about a fine art print is this: frame, frame, frame!!!  Why does a lil' black border make you seem like the cat's meow?  I have no idea.  But I know this, the only difference I could find between a poster and an aficionado is... a frame.  Go figure!

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