Blood coming out of the bathroom faucets of Charity Hooper's Hawthorn School dormitory doesn't just mean Charity can't wash her face to maintain her porcelain (well, kind of) complexion--it means there's a dead body from 1923 buried in the plumbing, astonishingly well-preserved by the wet sewage conditions. Well-preserved eugh, in fact, for the dead girl's vampire boyfriend to reanimate her as a zombie so they can live happily ever after, massacring incent Hawthorn students side-by-side. Faced with such homicidal creatures, Charity would ordinarily consult her English teacher, Ms. Van Tessel, whose kwledge of zombie extermination rivals only her kwledge of British literature. But Ms. Van Tessel has gone mysteriously missing. Can Charity track down her teacher before the annual midnight Capture the Flag tournament, which will be thing more than an all-you-can-eat buffet for the vampire-zombie tag team?