Dawn in the Cezoic Era. The earth is lush and green. The primordial ancestors of many of the animals we kw today roam free. Look-there's Combover Eagle, surveying the earth from his aerial view! You can see his thin strands of hair blowing in the wind as he searches for food. Off in the distance, Pleather Cow creaks convincingly across the plains, his oh-so-realistic exterior blending almost effortlessly with the herd. Suddenly the capy bursts to life! It's Feral Poodle-awakening the ancient forest with his terrifying yelpsfor sustenance. The fossil record is littered with examples of animal adaptations that eventually fell by the wayside-of failed organisms that briefly but valiantly spread their misguided wings, lamentable fins, or unfortunate flagellum. Yet all these animals, while ultimately weeded out of the evolutionary chain, helped pave the way for the creatures we kw and love today. You could fill a book with animal species that came to an abrupt end, bowing to nature's fickle, ever-changing demands. And so we did. Before there was Darwin, before there was man's best friend, there were...Failimals.
Scott Cooney is an advertising copywriter and part-time Failimologist. Aaron Adler is an advertising art director in New York.