You may never w become a rock star or regain the waist size you had at 18. You have taken a sudden interest in bleeding your radiators and figuring out the best route by road to anywhere in the country. On the bright side, you can feel smug that you have better grammar than a university student and don't have to dig out your embarrassing passport photo to get into pubs or buy alcohol.
Clive Whichelow is a journalist and comedy writer. He has written for Rory Bremner, Jonathan Ross, Spitting Image and many others as well as for The Mail on Sunday, the Daily Express and the Daily Mirror.