How and what leads a person to choose to throw caution to the wind, and dive into everything head first? I went from enjoying life to dreading each day. I had a good job that I enjoyed going to each day. I had a house, wife, daughter, loving family, and in-laws. Then as suddenly as a lightning strike, my attitude changed. Thus began my love affair with opiate pain killers, and the downward spiral of my life. Within this book, you will bear witness to this downfall through the many journal entries, poems, and philosophies that constantly ruled my thinking during active addiction. Some of them speak of hope, others despair, some of joy, and others of fear and self-loathing. All that matters is that they are here for the taking. Progress with me through a time of tumultuous emotion and the roller coaster ride of active addiction and recovery.